A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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In an apartment complex, a black family lived on the first floor, a mexican family lived on the second floor, and a white family lived on the third floor. Suddenly, at about noon on tuseday, a giant tornado came through town and took out the entire complex, destroying everything. Why did only the white familey survive the catastophy? Because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.

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What did Steven Hawking get for Christmas? ------ ------ ------ A bike.

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If life throws you melons, you should do your best to avoid them. Large and hard objects such as melons can easily harm you if moving at high speeds. Fortunately, life is not a physical entity that can throw melons or anything else - so the chances of this event occurring to you are exceedingly low.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can A hundred dead babies in a trash can Whats worse than a hundred dead babies in a trash can A live one at the bottom Whats worse than that It eats it way out Whats worse than that It brings friends

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Two polar bears are sitting in a hot tub. One polar bear asks the other to pass the soap. The other responds, "No soap, radio!"

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I man sees a shooting star and makes a wish. Nothing happens as shooting stars are incapable of granting wishes.

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Why did Ian pass his CRB check? Because he committed his crimes on holiday

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What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

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Why did the chicken cross the road...

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Why did the boy find love? because if the girl did not love her he would kill her

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What do Mitt Romney and Barak Obama have in common? Nothing that is why they are running against each other for US President.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares, it's a chicken.

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everyone dislike the first joke on page one

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Turkeys are obese

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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A man and a Rabbit are in a bar , the Rabbit looks at the man and says, none of this is real.

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Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory because she kept throwing away the w's

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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Q: What's worse than getting hit by a bus? A: Herpes, AIDS, Diarrhea, Constipation, Castration, Super Herpes, or the song "Friday."

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead

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Knock knock. Why do you say the words "knock knock" without actually knocking on the door?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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