roses are red, windows are clear, get off your ass and bring me a beer

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A terrorist gets on a plane. He has a pleasant flight and gets off in a new country.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats the difference between a hoover and a harley? one is a vacuum, and the other is a motorcycle.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your momma's so fat, when Jesus said, "Let there be light!," she had to scoot over.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the little girl fall of the cliff? Someone pushed her

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than the holocaust? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than eating poop for your whole life? Nothing really, you've got serious problems if you have another option...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac over off a cliff? A Cadillac seats 5

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A chicken walked into the bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Do u take sugar?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

300 terrorists have a contest, they all jump off a tower and die. Who wins? Society.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the boy drop his ice cream? he had no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

knock knock "who's there?" "boo" "boo who?" dont worry its only a joke dont cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So this guy filled with blood, right? This caused his veins to protrude and him to bleed strongly when he cut his wrists with razors later that night- because of his struggle with depression and substance abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A woman gets home from bying tampons to use later in the month. She walks into the house and sees a heart box with a note from her husband of 5 years. The note reads: Roses are red - violets are blue - Fudge Is Sweet - Heres some Fudge...........She then puts the note down, eats the fudge, and has diarrhea a few hours later. The husband comes home and feels bad because he forgot that fudge upsets his wife's stomach. Later that night the wife asks her husband to have anal sex with her. The husband agrees but later regrets his action since his dick is now discolored and smells of shit..........Two days later the family dog dies. The wife and husband mourn. I like cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A teacher at a school in America is writing on a chalk board. He asks the class what 50 - 20 is. The teacher begins to become impatient when noone put their hands up. This is because the school is an educational facility for asylumn seekers from Rwanda and all of their hands were cut off by a Warlord.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops