How I seem math word problems Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the Sahara desert Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse Answer: Purple, because ice cream has no bones

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Nero I know I am being a selffish bastard, but please let me speak with you for ten more minutes or so, I am sorry but its like part of me do not believe its you, we all saw your corpse, attended your funeral, please stick with me, I just feel flustered vulnerable and stupid.

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Why is Andrew sleeping? Because he took and overdose on sleeping pills, he probably died in his sleep.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is also blue

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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Say the line below sixteen times very fast: I like to find threes and peel of their... BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK... Done? Good boy!

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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Why did the black man shoot the white guy? the white man was about to hurt the black mans family.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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What do you call 25 college teens at a party? A good time.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I am blind.

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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Your mother's so fat.....When she gets on the scale, it tells her how much she weighs

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You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

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A horse walks into a bar, the barman says why the long face, the horse says, my dad died this morning.

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Knock knock Who's there? NYPD you are being placed under arrest come out with your hands up.

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Two nerds walk into a bar. The effects of alcohol do not discriminate based upon the social status of said consumer.

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Back in my day,we used to have Johnny Cash,Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have higher divorce rates.

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What do you call a lesbian with a penis? Justin Bieber.

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who is not good looking? mon morello

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Whats The difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash And one is a watermelon

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knock knock who's there? the man the man who? the man who murdered your whole family

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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