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How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poke her Face.

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Why did the fat guy survive the the plane crash? He was late to get up due to a malfunctioning alarm clock and so missed his flight, sparing him of the tragic outcome the other passengers suffered. To this day he still thinks about how a completely random occurrence saved his life.

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Question: So, what do you get if you put a live dog, a dead cat, some sugarcubes, and your sisters panties (HORMONES OKAY? EVERYBODY KNOWS HORMONES EQUALS SPICE! Or something anyways...) In a blender until its all red and squishy? The hell I know, but put some Redbull in it, and its fucking delicious!

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How do you make sure a kangaroo gets the right breakfast? Make sure it doesn't get the wrong breakfast

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Rose: Mom, why was I named Rose? Mom: Because when you were born a rose petal landed on your head. Rose: Than why is my brother named Brick? Mom: I liked the name.

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Why was the redneck so racist? Because he had a severe dislike for the black community.

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when choosing a bedtime story.... jack the rippers life stories is not a good idea... ........................................................................

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roses are red violets should be purple

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear chequered trousers? Because that's how the creator originally drew him.

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whatis worse then tripping over and landing head first in dog shit No alot

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Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

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What do Vladimir Putin and a snake have in common? A central nervous system, to name but one of the many biological similarities.

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Why did the child not go to his mother's funeral? He was adopted, he didn't know his real mom.

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There once was a girl who took away my source of entertainment. Her name was Nicole.

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Knock knock. Who is there? The FBI. They have a warrant for your arrest.

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Steve Jobs didn't die. He went to go set up iCLOUD.

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So a horse walks into a bar.. and breaks both its front legs. The owner has to shoot it because it can't race anymore

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Why doesn't Charlie Sheen take showers? Because he spends too much time on MySpace.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms.

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what did the robot say to the black guy? I'LL BE BACK

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Whats worse then a hundred dead babies? One trying to eat its way out.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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