Why didn't the man tip his waitress? Because he's a cheap bastard.

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A chicken walked into the bar...

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This sentance contains three errers

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.

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A jew walks in the german bar, the jew is captured tortured, raped, and shot along with his entire family

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Why did the blonde flunk out of school? Because she was a fucking idiot.

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock.. Who's there? Not Sally!

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Where did Jenny go after the explosion? Everywhere

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You know what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Because you touch yourself.

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Q: What do you call a person up to their elbows in a horse's ass? A: An Amish auto mechanic. (this gem brought to you by Designated Dale)

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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two scientists line up a frog at a line and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off one front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off the other front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off a rear leg and tell it to jump it jumps 2 feet they cut off its last leg and tell it to jump it doesn't move they tell it to jump again it doesn't move the scientists come to a conclusion: frogs with no legs...cant hear

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Slug on ya tooth Gavin David Newman

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Why did you loose the basketball game? Because they scored more points than us.

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Q what do you do when your friend tells you hes a homosexual A. you tell him that you will accept him and can still be very good friends

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a jewish duck trips over a series of metal corckswcrews and proceeds to die of ADHD the answer is 4

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What did the virgin say to the car salesmen? Hello, I'm really interested in buying a car today.

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What do you do with a leg less dog? Take him for a drag.

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Why did the black man have drugs? He had a very serious medical condition that involved putting himself at a high risk at any time without proper medications, therefore he requires drugs to sustain him and hopefully prevent him from dying. To immediately believe that he was in possession of illegal drugs is a very racist assumption that is representative of one of the numerous racial problems that faces our society today.

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What the the Tyrannosaurus say to the chicken? Dinosaurs are extinct and even if they were not, it would not say anything to a domestic fowl, it would most likely devour it with one bite.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

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WELL YOU ARE ALL A ROOF. So pie, my dearest Adam. Like a butthole.

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Make it? Sodium levels? Means he is eating right? Its not ADHD, the chatter is his way of coping with pain and what I believe is PTSD (dont tell him, he would get mad, if he gets that blank stare while chatting a lot its like he is back in the past for a while, please distract him out of it, but dont tell him anything about that. Give him what he wants, its a secret but Nero masters hypnosis, and he pretty much knows himself to a point far beyond others know themselves, he can sense lies and knows how others are feeling just by the movement of their pupils, their eyes, their breath, the tonality of their voice and lots of things like that, I think thats some sort of hypnosis as well, he uses ritalin in order to focus and shut off pain receptors mentally and stuff I don't understand, I am sure he would not ask for it unless he knew he could take it, he has literally performed surgery on himself before, the kind that would kill anyone unless under strong anesthetics. (removed bullets from the back of his skull, people say its just a myth, but I was there so I know its true) Please trust me on this as weird as it might sound.

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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