Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Stevan Hawkings walked into a bar. Ohh shit :/

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

They say you are what you eat, but i don't remember eating a big bowl of sexy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

whats the difference between ian bothom and david gower? shredded wheat.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the napkin wet? Some water was on it

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why does beonce say to the left, to the left. she doesnt she sings it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: what do you call a hooker you pay in spaghetti? A: a pasta-tute.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call a guy that looks exactly like Mario. Frank because thats his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Haikus are easy But they don't always make sense. Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why dont you ever run over a black guy thats on a bike? because you will be sewed and also probably have the shit kicked out of you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your momma is so dumb she'd starve if she were trapped in a fully stocked grocery store. -Actually my mom has a pHD in Nutritional Science. If she were trapped in a fully stocked grocery store, she'd utilize that knowledge to maintain a balanced diet until a way was made available for her to return home.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because crossing through traffic is very dangerous

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Caroline Kelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Y did the chicken cross the rode to/ get away from KFC

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get if you cross an angle with an antelope? An anglelope.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was simply wandering around and happened to walk from one side of the road to the other.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is big, white, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? Donald Trump

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's green and has wheels? The farmer's tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get rid of herpes? You shoot up the cancer ward of a hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What did bulbasoar say to charmander? A: Bet ya thought I was gunna say Bulbasoar!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the Chicken cross the road? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops