What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its pelvis

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So there is a blind man... and he walks past a fish market and takes a deep breath and says"Oh boy it sure does smell like fish out here".

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Q: Guess what my Mom and Dad did last Night on the Kitchen Table.... A: Had Dinner.

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what is worse than finding finding an apple in your worm? Finding your peanut shells in your peanut.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was dead. Why'd the other monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was stapled to the dead monkey!

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What do you call Morgan Freeman at a family reunion? Morgan Freeman.

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What is fat and white? A polar bear with a glandular problem.

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Why is there no gambling in Africa? Because there's no money in Africa.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge. Why did Sally fall off her bike? She was hit by a falling monkey and fridge.

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Hats better than a stick? A stone

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Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the rest of the kids during recess? Tiffany is a pencil.

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What's the diffrents between a horse and a zebra? WELL clearly there names duh.

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What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

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hear hear

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

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Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

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A paraplegic wheels himself into a bar. The barman asks, 'What can I get you?' 'Nothing,' replies the paraplegic, 'I've just pissed myself and I need you to help me clean myself up.'

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what happens when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object? it goes around.

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A horse walks into a bar. Realizing the severity of the situation, the bartender heads toward the exit... stumbling over a chair.

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How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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