whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? a pizza does not have a heart

thumb_up thumb_down -5

roses are red violets are blue they really are

thumb_up thumb_down -5

whats worse than getting hit whit a baseball? getting hit by a train

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q. What do you call a small hen that can't lay eggs properly? A. A small hen that can't lay eggs properly.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's funnier then a dead baby. Two dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the bicycle say to the fat kid? Nothing, bikes cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than getting in a car accident? Being turned into dust and swarmed by bees while on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore? -Because he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did the homeless person get for Cristmas? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

If you rewind Gozilla, it's about a giant lizard that helps rebuild a burnig city, and then goes back into the ocean again...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man has had too many beers late at night. The bartender says "Sir, I'm going to have to cut you off"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I was walking down the street next thing I new 15 blacks and Hispanics died in a dive buy. The next day every white guy in the cars doin the drive buy blew up ohwell

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a book of notes? A notebook.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

thumb_up thumb_down -5

when there's trouble lurking in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? The local authorities.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because seven threatened to murder his family

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you have fun while stuck in traffic? Play bumper cars!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What does a homeless man get for Valentines Day? Divorce papers

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A homosexual walked into a bar. He orders a beer. When he holds out his credit card, the bartender says, "We do not accept credit." Upon hearing this, the homosexual reaches into his wallet and pulls out five dollars. Because it is legal tender, the bartender takes the money and gives the homosexual the change that is due. The homosexual proceeds to drink the beer. When he is finished, he walks out of the bar. Nobody is aware of his sexual orientation.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? About 144 licks but everyone gets different answers because we all lick lollipops differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops