The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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Q: Why are elephants afraid of mice and/or rats? A: Elephants tend to have bad eyesight and startle quite easily?

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

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What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards? A woman who learns her place.

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knock knock - "who's there" - "i'm a escaped convict who's here to murder you and rob your house" - "Well come in the doors already open"

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Why does Eric Clapton use a Mac? Because he prefers Macs.

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Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

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a white guy a black guy and a hispanic guy walk into a bar.

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"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "To the grocery store, I need to buy a couple of lemons"

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Your mom is so old she is significantly more identifiable in a crowd of middle-aged men and women.

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Whats green, has 4 legs and falls out a tree? A pool table

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Three men are facing a firing squad. They are all promptly executed. Even if they were to escape by distracting the executioners, they would no doubt be shot down before they could get for.

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How do you treat people that cannot say no in just two seconds? (redux and spellchecked) Treatment: Hi...: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! SAY IT MUAHAHAHA! People: NO PLEASE I CANT! NOOOOOO! *door unlocks* Problem solved, NEXT!

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why couldn't the blonde change the lightbulb? she couldn't find the leperchaun at the end of the rainbow

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm colorblind.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He didn't, he died in the middle of this task.

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What starts with P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn

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Wuts brown and smelly? Brown smelly stuff.

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Q. What do you call a child with no friends or family A. Adopted

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Don't quote me on this Nero, but she kinda deserves it, she should know better, its not like you have gotten this far by not knowing your limits, even if you tend to break them way too often. Can you get rid of the hallucinations with your mind alone? If not get to sleep asap! And stay asleep for a month or so, and if they somehow cant feed your system intravenously, they can all get the fuck out of there.

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One time I walked into a fat kid..

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Have you tried african food? No. Neither have they!

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I got pissed off at my little brother... So I threw him out of the window.

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anti-joke.com

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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