Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?"

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Three Jews are hiding under the floorboards. One of them makes and noise and they are promptly found by the invading German soldiers. They are all shipped to Aushwitz where two of them are sent directly to the gas chambers where they are killed. The third Jew survives the Holocaust and is eventually liberated by Allied forces. He returns to his country only to find his house burnt to the ground. With no money or food, he starves to death by the side of the road and his body is eaten by various animals.

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A dog is walking down the street. The dog catcher promptly arrives and takes him to the pound. Two months later the dog is in a new, happy home with a wonderful family.

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What do you call a man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk? A man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk.

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why did the little boy put a bandaid on his knee. it doesn't really matter, he has cancer.

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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What did the Rabbi say to the priest? The holocaust was real and it tore apart my family.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Starving children in africa.

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squirrels with massive bonerss

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house. A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What did one ocean say to the other ocean, nothing it just waved

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A man walks into a pet store. He then says "This isn't the bar" and leaves.

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A Priest, A Pedofile, and a Rapist walk into a bar. He Orders A Drink

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Why did the cancer patient shave his head? He wanted to pretend he still had hair.

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do you know that joke? hmm no.. yaa life!

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I can't remember if I have Azheimer's or not.

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Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common? A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.

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Why did the teacher yell at her students? The class was acting completely inappropriate and she felt it was necessary to discipline them so the current situation won’t repeat its self.

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IU football

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What is brown and has 15 legs? (They answer "What?") Reply: I don't know I was hoping you would.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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