Why did sally fall out of the tree? Because sally was morbidly obese and uprooted the tree from underneath her subsequently causing her to splash violently on the ground. Why didn't sally get back up? Because the splash caused the earth to spin at 40000 rpm into the sun.

A man walks into a bar. He is knocked unconscious, and passers-by rush to his aid.

a horse walks into a bar. Noticing the potentially dangerous situation everyone leaves, the bartender calls RSPCA who come and retrieve the horse and order is restored.

Paul was mowing his lawn when he felt a bump. It turned out it was a bunny. Paul felt bad but the bunny felt worse

An alcoholic walks into a bar.... I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a prostitute.

Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Well, it all depends on the size of the bathtub.

What do Justin Bieber and corn have in common? They are both fruits. Except for the corn.

What's awesome that's awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Ketchup What else is awesome that squirts out of a bottle? Mustard

what did the stop sign say to the car? nothing.

What do you call a black man running really fast down a street? Active.

Why was 95 lb jack able to chug so fast? Because he is a diabetic

When Chuck Norris claps, his two hands slam together, creating rather loud soud.

CAOIMHIN JUST BE QUITE

Nero, I am happy to hear from you again, but it kinda sounds like you are going to get yourself killed or something. Is there something else I can do? If that asshole is suffering, kill him after he is done doing it, I am done with that piece of shit. Honestly, what is going on Nero? You are not going to suicide or something are you? Please respond, right away, or I wont call your wife.

Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

Why did the man smell bad? He had not showered for several days

What did 4 Year Old Jonny get for his birthday? Death.

A clown walks into a bar and orders a pie. After about 2 minutes, the bartender gives him a pie. Later, a blonde walks into a bar and orders a cake. After about 1 minute, the bartender gives her a cake. Then a dog walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything because it's a dog.

I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

There was a girl that got on the bus . The bus started moving as soon as sat . The bus driver looked up at the window and saw the girl coming closer . Every time she came closer , the more he looked , the girls nose kept on bleeding more and more . When the girl was right next to the bus driver , he started to shudder in fear looking forward , knowing that she is there . When he looks to his right , the girl looked at him , then looked at the window . And started to pick her nose .

A man decided it was time to quit his job so he put his 2 weeks in and went to look for another job.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...