What do you get if you mix a baby with a blender? A prison sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

outside your comfort zone

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road I don't know

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A: Knock Knock (pause) B: Please use the doorbell, it is very late and I like to be considerate of my neighbors

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you kill a blonde? You stab her many times in the ear with a fork......Then finsih her off with a spoon. No knives those hurts

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the black guy not like oreos? because he is a very health concious person and knowes that too much of a bad thing can make you fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than a crying baby on a trans-Atlantic flight? A hungry lion on a trans-Atlantic flight.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a Mexican flying a plane? A pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school. I said, "Wow, I can't believe I just found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school." Later that day, my principal gassed the kindergarten classrooms with cyanide while shouting, "GO RAIDERS!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down

whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

thumb_up thumb_down

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why can't Helen Keller just kidding she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down

An African-American is working on math problems and notices an Asian man walking by. The African American asked,"Could you help me out on these math problems?" The Asian man replied, " I have never been good at math."

thumb_up thumb_down

Do you like fish sticks? Yes. Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops