How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was tired of the publicity his friend, the chicken was getting for crossing the road that he wanted to do it himself. Halfway across the duck was wistfully hit by a car and sadly, his story is lesser known and 99% of the people in this world really don't care about him. Thumbs up if you're that 1% that shows sympathy toward the duck.

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last night i was doing some guy in the ass. i went to give him a reach around and the homo had a boner! freakin queer.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Whats funny about a guy with no legs? I bought him a wheelchair.

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What happend to the chicken that crossed the road? He got hit by a truck.

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What did the Apple Tree say to the Oak Tree? Nothing.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Determined.

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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So a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of this joke, but your mom is a whore.

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Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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moonshine most none americans think its just when the moon shines we have another story

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What did the mute guy say to the deaf guy? Hi. He said it in sign language.

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What did the Republican say after he got off the ferris wheel but before he went on the roller coaster? "Boy, that ferris wheel sure was fun! Now I will ride the roller coaster!"

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What did Rihanna remember when she corrected Chris Browns tweets she can't remember last thing she saw was a fist

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What did the boy with cancer, no arms, and no legs get for his birthday? Nothing he was dead.

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Why did the fox cross the road? To chew on the chicken carcass.

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Why was it so hard for teachers to teach Tommy? Tommy is brain dead

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What's sad about 3 black people going over a cliff in a Cadillac? Cadillac's seat 6

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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