Mr Mac reminds me that no matter how hard you try you will always lose your hair

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

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There are 2 muffins in an oven One of the muffins says to the other 'Jeez it's hot in here' Then the other muffin replied, 'OH MY GOD IT'S A FRICKEN TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!!!

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Want a fight? You Spelt F**K wrong O.o

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A man was struck by lightning. What did you think he got super powers or something? No. He died a horrible death

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Did u know that every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes by?

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What did the Dad say when his daughter murdered everyone Tea you're grounded

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womens rights

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Your son's coming to my son's birthday party, right?

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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What's big and white and wilbkill you if it falls from a tree? My dick.

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What's the difference between a good anti joke, and a bad anti joke? There literally is no good anti joke.

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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What's worse than getting a parking ticket? Getting Cancer.

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What did the orphan do on his birthday? He burned down his orphanage, he hated the place because he was severly abused.

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What did the dog say to the rabbit? I quite liked Prince's first album.

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The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

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What's better then one dead baby in a tub? Many things a dead baby is a tragedy.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to get the antidote for his dying baby chick.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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When life gives you lemons, refrigerate them so they don't go bad.

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roses are grey violets are grey im a dog

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What's the opposite of a joke? An anti-joke. You're reading one right now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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