Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No

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Your momma's so fat, she died on the operating table during her bypass surgery.

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How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

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Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

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what happens when you try to believe it's not butter? 34 Indonesian kids lose their job.

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Hey look, I found a fire hydrant!

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If you spill milk Don't cry over it..... Clean it up.

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thats the same sound ur mom made in bed last night

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Cheese

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give a man a blow job and he'll come for a second. teach a man to blow job and .... no that just doesn't work

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Going up to someone and saying, "my mom is dead and my dad tryd killing himself, can i have a ride home?"

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What did one new born baby say to the other new born baby.? Babies don't have teeth therefore they are unable to talk.

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who can be more evil than the person who hit my nuts. Adolf Hitler.

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what did the dog say to the cat nothing because dogs can`t talk and if they could talk the cat wouldn`t understand him because cats can`t talk

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your mom was so fat that she died.

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How do you make a lawyer cry? You can't. The production of tears requires a soul, which, regretfully, no lawyer possesses.

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I haven't been this tired since the last time I was tired

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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Obama One Big Ass Mistake America

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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Why did little Sammy die of boredom? The WNBA was on

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If Santa and a Blonde woman jump off a building who hits the ground 1st? They both do due to Galileo's discovery of two objects with different masses but similar densities hit the ground at the same time.

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What do you call an African American sitting on a park bench? Elephant-man (I forgot to mention, he has a giant elephant trunk)

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the street? A: Because that was the direction it was headed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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