Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

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Sally has no arms. A: Knock kock? B: Whose there? Not Sally.

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my ilkshake brings all the boys in the yard. and the local health inspector's like , have you got a permit to be selling dairy beverages from a home based business?

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why did the plane crash ? Because a loaf of brad was flying it, and Loaves of bread don't fly planes

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Q.Why was the fat man sweeting A. Because he just ran and his body is trying to maintain thermal equilibrium

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? - Nothing This homeless man got a gift for his Birthday. What happened to the gift? - It got stolen the following day What did this homeless man get for New Year? - Still nothing Get real.

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A Finnish guy and a Russian guy go into a sauna. The Russian died.

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I am the best i am the worst My wife was buried in hearse

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? It was my car.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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What do you get when you cross the motorway with a lottery ticket? You get knocked down and killed.

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Why do so many black athletes drive black cadillac escalades? Because it's roomy and they deserve to reward themselves after they put in so much hard work trying to be the best player they can be.

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Ask me if I'm a tree Are you a tree? No

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Why did the Alzheimer's patient fail the history exam? I don't remember.....

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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Why couldn't the boy talk? He had his fathers hairy scrote was in his mouth

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Mine.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane act

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Why did the police arrest the black man? He'd committed a crime, and was punished accordingly.

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-knock knock -i'm not at home, go away!

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"I'm gonna fight fire with fire!" "won't you just get more fire?" "True..."

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Bill goes and buys 45 watermelons, what does he have? 45 watermelons.

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whats worse than finding out there's mold in your bread? finding out the holocaust is in your bread

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What did the man say to the tree? Nothing, he was a mime.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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