What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A Muslim walks into a bar He immediatley turns around and leaves as his religious beliefs forbid consumption of alcoholic beverages.

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A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says that there are no dogs allowed, but the man says that he is blind. So the man sits down with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender decided to check to see if he was really blind, so he says, " Hey, do you know what time it is?" The blind man replies, "7 o'clock," The bartender says, "Ha! You said you were blind! Get out of..." but was interrupted by the man, who promptly said, "No, I'm deaf," and left.

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ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

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did you know that zach is the coolest person ever? no? well now you know

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A man goes to his doctor and asks: ""What is wrong with me doc? One moment I think I am a teepee, the next moment I a, a wigwam." To which the doctor responds: "I have told you several times sir; you have stage IV pancreatic cancer."

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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A man goes up to an old friend and says: "Help me, I just found out that my friend is gay! What should I do!?" The other man replies: "If there is no problem, I cannot help you... Yet, there is one. Your homophobia. I suggest that you see a therapist immediately and I hope that you can get over the fact of the contemplation of a sexuality."

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Roses are red Violets are blue This poem sucks Because violets are purple

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A man walks into a bar. Suddenly, he is filled with a strange feeling, as if his life is somehow the subject of a stupid joke. He walks back out of the bar and consults a psychiatrist.

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What do you call your mother's bipolar brother with three arms? Uncle.

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How did the girl cross the road? --she didn't, she died trying because she was blind and didn't see the sign that said "Don't Walk"

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Why could the grandma chew? She couldn't she had no teeth

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Why did Stephen hawking walk into A bar? He didn't. This situation is impossible considering the fact that he suffers from a horrible condition causing terrible muscular paralysis preventing him from walking.

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I'd love to submit an anti joke, but unfortunatley I don't own a computer.

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whats worse than dropping your toast butter side down ? being ripped apart from the anus upwards by a large black man

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A man walks into a bar. His family has died in a tragic accident and he is trying to drink down the pain.

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your mama is so fat, she sat on the ipod touch and made the ipad.

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whats the difference between a ferrari in my garage, and a pile of dead babies in my garage. I do not have a ferrari but i do have a pile of dead babies

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So you're flying around in your bathtub, how pancakes to shingle a doghouse? Airhockey, because pizza bagels can't cry.

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Why didn't Avery die when he got hit by a bus? The bus was going three miles per hour.

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Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set? neither did she.

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if your having girl problems i feel bad for you son, i don't have any.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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