How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock knock. Who's there? Schizophrenia.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms knock knock who's there? Not little Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

This is my favorite antijoke.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A kid is stuck in a fire, his dad (a firefighter) comes and saves him. Sadly the kid needed surgery from the fire. He went to the hospital and when the doctor looked at him he said "I cannot operate on my own son." How can this be? His parents are gay...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Whats Long, Black and Smells? A: Sh*t

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats Worse then finding a worm in your apple. Finding a real joke on anti-joke.com

thumb_up thumb_down -17

There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You know what really chaps my ass? Thongs.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q:Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: A terrorist threw a refrigerator at him then slapped the ice cream out of his hand

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Where's your nan???? A. In my closet

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why do most married men die before their wives? Men have on average a shorter life expectancy than women.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot n' spicy and the other analyzes urine. -Emo Phillips

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Did I say twenty times? I meant two hundred, you already know this I gather, but your subconcious understands mathmatics and multiplications at a whole different level because its potential is indefinite.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A- 2 jews walk in a bar..what happed? B- they died 35 years later from skin cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man approaches an attractive young woman at a party. He asks her if a rag smells like chloroform and proceeds to hold the rag up to her face. She passes out, the man takes her into a nearby bedroom and rapes her. He casually leaves the party. He will most likely continue this vile act for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

one time at band camp there was a guy guess what he played? no one knows

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do Barbra Streisand and Danny Glover have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops