why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

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"I'm so hungry!" "Hello so hungry, I am Matt. You must come from a very odd family if your name is " so hungry"!

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what does the doctor do when he tells you you have aids? he laughs and says "hahahahahhaha sucks for you, i dont!"

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Once upon a time there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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-How do you kill a douche? -You stab him untill he cries out in mercy and stops moving.

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There was this girl who suffered for her whole life and then she died. It was very liberating.

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I'm going to Re-write History... History

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Person 1: So now that were friends on facebook, you wanna hang out? Person 2: No I'd rather not.

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Why didn't the little girl show up for school? Because she was dead.

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Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

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So this chat, the talk on the phone was all a ruse?

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Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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What's black, white, and red all over? A lot of things, you just gotta keep your eyes peeled.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

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Why does Ray Charles always smile? Because he doesn't know he's black.

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

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What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops