Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

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Q: Whats Brown and sticky A: an eagle except for the brown and sticky part

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Your mom is so poor she can't afford to buy herself nice things.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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I was not scared, I was disappointed, I was expecting to see you for you, not the whole strange outfit getup, what was the point of that? I know the deal about hypnosis and stuff, did you know it is actually known as monoideoism? But I really cant figure for the life of me how it is physically possible to be under a deep state of trance and completely awake at the same time.

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Well, I feel that I've stepped outside my comfort zone.

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Why doesn't God like pizza? Because he doesn't exist.

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

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what's the square root of pi? nothing. why would you add roots to pie, how gross.

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Why did the man lose the a race? 'Cause he has no legs

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My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

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Why did the 15 year old commit suicide? Because his parents and 3 sisters died in a car accident and he went to live with his uncle, who constantly raped him.

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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how do you make a plummer cry? you spell PLUMBER wrong

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If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

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I've got a great new 'Knock Knock Jock

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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Q.How Do You Make 7 People Laugh? A.Tell Them a Good Joke.

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If Alex Maitland reads this he is gay

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Got a card in the mail from my estranged uncle today. Yep.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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