Why are a black man's eyes always bloodshot red after having sex? Pepper spray.

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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What do you call a yelling, enraged Asian man? A fucking asshole.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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A kid walks into a bar and the bartender yells, "Get Out!"

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ill have a no.9 a n.9 large

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How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas. A new vest and a puppy because his father got a promotion and a much higher pay raise.

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What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

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Do you know what would happen if Hitler was still alive today. Nothing he's not.

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a man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The Bartender says okay, here you go.

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? Because it was summer and the grass had extensive growth, so much so, that it proceeded to spread to his neighbors yard. His neighbor then called HOA, and thus, the unruly grass was taken care of.

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Why did the boy have to ride the bus? Because both his parents died.

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What do dragonflies do when they are a couple? One sits on the others head, causing the bottom dragonfly to have a loss of vision, and increases the weight on the bottom dragonfly, which increases the chance of both the dragonflies deaths.

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Mary.

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What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was walking.

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What did the mother say to her color blind son when he was about to take his first car ride alone after he got his license? Good luck

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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An Irish man walks into a bar, and then realizes that he's walked into the wrong establishment (He was looking for an upscale restaurant.)

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Your momma's so fat: She regrets not making the most of her youth whilst she was still attractive.

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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