Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Yo mama so fat when she sat around the hous she sat AROUND the house

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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What's funny about a dying dog? Nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because earlier that day, the chicken was taking a shiit, and when he went to wipe, there was no toilet tissue, so he ran upstairs to his parents room, and shot them both with a shotgun, then he ate them while they were still gasping for air, then the neighbors heard the gunshots so they came over to make sure everything was alright, but little did they know that the chicken planned for it and they were electricuted to a crisp by the fence, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road? Because the store for chips was across the street

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Knock knock Who's there? The interrupting doctor The interrupting doct... You have Cancer

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What's worse than watching paint dry or grass grow? Watching paint dry on grass.

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Why was the black man crying? Becasue his wife and children were killed in a horrific car accident on their way home from church.

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Why is 6 scared of 9? Because 9 is a zombie.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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What do you call a place where all hopes and dreams go to die as this place is contained of depression and the lingering smell of death? www.anti-joke.com

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When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the world, He broke his foot because every human being that kicks such a solid structure would break their foot.

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y do black people always have nightmares because we killed the one who had a dream

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How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.

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Q-whats worse than getting shot. A-getting shot twice

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper... used to clean up a crime scene.

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Why was Nathan upset Because his sister died from an undiagnosed case of tuberculosis

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What did Emmanuel Frimpong say to George Elokobi? you sir, are DENCH

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Why does the man have mayonaise in his pants? A: I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

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Why could a fat man not do a barrel roll? He has already to many rolls.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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