A man gets a paternity test. It's better than beating his wife senseless due to his own insecurity.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q:why is walmart so big? A:Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of Walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory .

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Sir, do you know what time it is? Yes, it is 5:15 PM

thumb_up thumb_down -32

you: your adopted me: i was so thanks for saying you ass

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What is green and has wheels???? Yo mamma on a Wednesday.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whats green and has wheels? Grass...i lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the horse die? I shot it in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q: What happens when eight men throw purple at a rain coat? A: Mud-flaps, because electricity can't power a vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? all my friends break the door down...oh alright then ill answer i guess WHO IS IT? THE REAPER oh s*** dude! [panic face] NO ONES HOME? "In other news tonight, 2 local men found murdered in their living rooms, after looking up common joke style called antee joke. Police say the door was smashed in an obvious sign of forced entry. They seem to have just mysteriously had sudden heart attacks and fainted. heh heh...hey nancy....why did the chicken cross the road? [=< heh heh" "y" "because he thouroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *GASP!* X.x dead face "NANCY! NANCY!.....well in other OTHER news ive just murdered nancy, and thats no joke." *runs*

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

thumb_up thumb_down -32

what do you call a dog with no legs. It dosent matter it wont come

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Man one: Why does the moon look like a face? Man two: I don't know, why? Man one: I don't know either, that's why i asked....

thumb_up thumb_down -32

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at someone's face!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Q:Whats not funny? A: Antijokes

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why was the little boy crying? He had a frog stapled to his forehead. Why did the little boy have a frog stapled to his forehead? Because Johnny just can't drive. Why can't Johnny drive? He has no arms and legs. Why does Johnny have no arms and legs? Cause Johnny is a potato! Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? Because he got ran over by a bus. But who was driving the bus? Johnny the potato!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

thumb_up thumb_down -34

her: what did your last slave die of? him: syphillis

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why do giraffes have long necks? So they can reach higher, un-eaten leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What do you call a man with no arms an no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call the same man on your front porch? Matt What do you call the same man on your wall? Art

thumb_up thumb_down -34

what do you call a mexican being baptized? a mexican becoming christian.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What is the difference between being a serial killer and a doctor? I'm not a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops