What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Pokemon are fictional, therefore Pikachu is fictional, meaning he would never be at a bus station in the real world at all.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why did the flight attendant look scared every time every time she saw a muslim get on the airplane? Because her family got murdered in front of her before she came to work

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he has no sense of living and no muscles to move.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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Why was the baby flying? Because it's face was stapled to the propeller of a helicopter.

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poop.

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Whats worse then getting caught watching porn? 9/11

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What do you call a cat with no ears? Anything you fucking well like. Cats can't understand speech.

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Whats small white and has a hole in it? A powdered Donut

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? It's dependent on many factors, like the size of the babies and the tub. It would be a horrific endeavor, and you should probably stop thinking about such things.

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What did the mother say to her son? I have Leukemia.

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A black man is like a sledge hammer; if you compare him to a sledge hammer, he will hit you with a sledge hammer.

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What happends when two gay guys want to have kids? They can't, so they go to an orphanage and adopt one.

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What do you call two spaniards talking in French. Bilingual.

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Colloqiual irregularities are a significant part of the English language, and excellent example of this is between can and may.

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A man is walking down the street in Chicago. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks him, "Excuse me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?", at which the man on the street said, "Go straight here, turn onto Birch, follow that to the second stop light, then turn left on Main, big complex, can't miss it." "Thank you!"

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Fight fire with with fire! That would be impossible, it'd just make the fire bigger. And probably kill you.

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[] [] Those are eyes These are teeth

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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