Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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A blonde keeps walking down her driveway to her mailbox.Finally, her neighbor asks, "Why?" The blonde replies, "The computer says I've got mail."

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What do you say when your hot chocolate is to hot? This hot chocolate is too hot.

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What do two Mexicans call a stray cat? Gato

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why did the black boy start crying when he was taking a dump? He thought he was melting

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Remember that comic blooper? Captain America fighting some dude: Okay buster only one of us is getting out of here alive! Next panel: Captain is kicking his foe and yelling AND IT WONT BE MEEEEEEEE! ...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Columbine Massacre

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What did the White guy say to the Black Guy? Nothing... he looked him up and down and spat at him instead.

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A hurt animal that should promtly be taken to the RSPCA for surgery.

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Why did the 2 black kids jump the barb-wired fence To get to the other side

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Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

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A: "How much rope does it take to hang a baby?" B: "I don't know, how much?" A: "The guy at Home Depot didn't know either."

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "cum" on your face.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- SHUT UP!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, a car ran him over.

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Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme But this one doesnt

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A black man bites into a watermelon. Just kidding he was white.

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What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? ...Neither have they.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops