Three men walk into a bar they suffer permanent brain damage, and completely lose their basic cognitive abilities. They will never be able to speak to one another again.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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So a girl says "I want to be a banana when I grow up". She's set unrealistic goals and her parents fear she may be autistic.

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How many People does it take to change a lightbulb? One

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What's the difference between a black guy and an asian. They come from different race groups.

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when life gives you lemons your like wait how did i get these lemons??

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What did Batman tell Robin before he got into the Batmobile? "Hey Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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Why wasn't 7 afraid of 6? Numbers are numbers and therefore incapable of feeling any emotion.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. And that's when I found out my Uncle Ted was a cross-dresser.

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there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

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Make it? Sodium levels? Means he is eating right? Its not ADHD, the chatter is his way of coping with pain and what I believe is PTSD (dont tell him, he would get mad, if he gets that blank stare while chatting a lot its like he is back in the past for a while, please distract him out of it, but dont tell him anything about that. Give him what he wants, its a secret but Nero masters hypnosis, and he pretty much knows himself to a point far beyond others know themselves, he can sense lies and knows how others are feeling just by the movement of their pupils, their eyes, their breath, the tonality of their voice and lots of things like that, I think thats some sort of hypnosis as well, he uses ritalin in order to focus and shut off pain receptors mentally and stuff I don't understand, I am sure he would not ask for it unless he knew he could take it, he has literally performed surgery on himself before, the kind that would kill anyone unless under strong anesthetics. (removed bullets from the back of his skull, people say its just a myth, but I was there so I know its true) Please trust me on this as weird as it might sound.

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Why was the sock sad? Impossible. Socks dont have emotions.

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Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock. I said who's there? Knock Knock. WHO THE FUCK'S THERE, GODDAMNIT? Knock Knock. PLEASE STOP IT STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT Knock Knock SWEET DEAR JESUS GOD CHRIST STOPSTOPOHGODSTOPITNOW Knock Knock. FORGODSSAKECOMEIN. Hello, Mark. Oh, hi, Steven.

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Who did the dinosuar, that's pretty fricken awesome!

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Have you heard the one about Tony Hawk's brother Mike? Neither has he, considering Tony Hawk only has a brother named Steve.

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What's the best Anti-Joke ever? I don't know, but it's NOT this one.

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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- Mommy look, I built a sandcastle! - Who cares, you have cancer.

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how do you break up with someone lightly and not hurt their feeling I dont want to hurt your feeling but i hate you

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if you have two gay people, would their kid be gay too? oh wait....

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You: I have a question Person: Yes You: Do you have an answer?

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I have a little dog. She likes being tossed high into the air. I need a new little dog as the last one was caught by a gust carrying here over the sound-dividing highway wall and dropped into traffic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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