Why cant your mom breathe She chockin on my D**K

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

WHY DO IDIOTS RIGHT STUPID JOKES BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THERE LIVES.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How does an Asian person get overweight? By eating food with a great amount of calories and not burning then off in time.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Want to hear an orphan joke? Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between tires and a black guy? Tires don't scream once there are chains around them. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When life gives you lemons, That's physically impossible. Life cannot physically hand you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is brown and green and goes 100 mph? A tree falling down on your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the bartender say to the man? can i have a beer if you dont get it the bartender asked the customer for a beer

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why Didn't The Teenager Bring His Report Card Home to His Parents? Because He Was Murdered By Thugs Walking Home From School.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you make Justin Bieber cry? You take away his marijuana.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Jeff

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is white, black, and red all over? A: A zebra being slaughtered.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the boy sad he ate a loaf of bread? Because ducks ate him alive after that.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats worst than stubbing your toe? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats up with the irish jokes? Honestly im not a alcoholic so all of you can go F*** yourselfs...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Two muffins are in the oven. They don't say anything because muffins can't talk. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops