How do you tell when your dog is dead? I don't know. I never had a dog and my parents beat me.

A man walks into a bar. There is no one there.

Do you know what one golf ball said to the other? Nothing they are lifeless objects

What's the hardest part of the pizza to eat? The motorbike.

whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Gingers

Did you know him? Why the anonymous tip?

What do you call a fat zombie? Dead

yo mama is so fat she has more body mass than a skinny person

Why is red? He was just murmured by a phycopath.

I'm not saying your mom's ugly, but I like pancakes.

Two peanuts walk down the street. One was a salted.

what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers

Your mother is so fat she sometimes eats a normal sized portion of food and does not feel satisfied

I like your words "He without an equal, also stands alone was it?"

What do you get when you shoot 3 cute kittens that have just walked into the house? 3 dead kittens

Shut up, I already got that before you said it, typed it, whatever I do not give a fuck, I want the last word because, reasons of millions. I love you Nero come visit me sometime, wait ill come visit you, yes yes, but now shut up, I want the last word, because I made myself your bitch! You know its not what I mean the other way but then around again, I think, you are my I made myself your bitch, no wait, keep reading, you are, my bitch master..., pretty please let me have the last word? Never fucking mind! Have the last word, I surrender, I totally surrender I want my nose back XD.

What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

What do you call a blonde doctor? Doctor

'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

Your mom is so fat, she weighs 732 kilograms.

What do a software designer, a civil engineer, an airline pilot, and a long-distance swimmer's support team have in common? All of them use angles and trigonometric ratios to help solve problems.

How did the man die? A gorilla raped him

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.It got ran over by a bus.

Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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