Q. Whats red and smells like blue paint? A. Wheres my tractor?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I kinda have a bad memory What are we doing again?

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tim has no humor

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Hai Patrick Hai Patrick

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What's the easiest way to get a cat out of a tree? Call the fire department and allow them to safely reach the cat and properly extract it from the tree while you watch from below.

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Why did the duck eat the fish? It needed protein.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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What do you call a doctor without a head? Deceased

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Radical thinkers have decided to end abortion they will begin to kill everyone who has an abortion.

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You know what happens when you plant a baby into the soil and give it lots of sun and water? It dies.

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phil - "honey, why is the picture quality so bad" Phil was watching a toaster

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What do call a fly with no legs? Dead

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what do u tell a woman who has two black eyes? nothing, somebody already told her twice.

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What did the day say to his son when he came out of the closet? Its alright

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whos a sick fuck? jake morris

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When did Rick Santorum realize he was gay? When we woke up with a bloody condom in his ass.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Dead babies can't paint.

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A 14 year girl enjoys exploring the sexual regions of her body, whilst having one of her intimate sessions her brother walks into her room. Her brother was a rather sexual 17 year old, who has had sex with several different girls, and is not afraid to try new things. the brother says " get a room to his sister... oh wait" and walks out

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

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What's more greasy than grease? Kevin's hair

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Sorry, I need to take care of business up here, it is for the best that we do not communicate for a while, suspicions are going to be flaring up all over the place You better keep your head low, the place with the code-name "The Kings Throne" was under attack, but as you might know, its not what it used to be, you should all leave Point Zero in 3-4 hours when the dust has settled. Personally I suspect it is someone from the past, yes rivals, but according to the information nobody that knows who "The Nero" is, so as you can already tell, you and I are in equal danger until this is resolved. I promise to call you someday

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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