Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats invisable and smells like a apple? An invisable apple

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why does a new mother have big jugs? Her baby died of Sudden infant death syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's black, white, and red all over? Numerous different objects because many different things can posses a variety of colors, including the ones listed above.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Person 1:Did you hear the joke about the cat, the camera, and the pancakes? Person 2: No, I haven't. Person 1: Oh, that's too bad. Person 1 then gets up and walks into a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Its a sunny day. There's a tree and a bird. What did they say to each other? --------------------------------------------------- Nothing they can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

One man walks on a bridge, another man sees him but doesn't really care about him.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q. why did the chicken cross the road A. damn it this joke is a million years old shut up

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I was walking down the street the other day And I pushed a child under a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I'm on the Seafood Diet. I eat seafood to replace fatty red meats, in conjunction with fruit and vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock Who's there? You know you really should have a safer way of finding out who is really on the other side. Now a days it's just not safe to ask, "who's there". I mean it could have been, Milkman, Plummer, or worst a Land Shark!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the man wearing all white? He was a part of the Ku Klux Kan.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Two cows were in a feild, one said "moo" and the other said "i was going to say that!"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the man crying? He just got called and the doctor confirmed he had AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A White man, a Black man, and an Asian man go to Heaven. They were in a plane crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? She had no purpose.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why Tom is Gay ? Because brocoly didnt eat a mashroom .

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

alex is cool

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops