What did the doctor say to the obese person? You have diabetes.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because I shot him. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? Because his tail was stapled to the other monkey.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why Tom is Gay ? Because brocoly didnt eat a mashroom .

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Why did the chicken cross the road? She had no purpose.

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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What smells like death and makes kids cry? Dead animal

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself pink and throw green banana at her.

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Why can't you lie to atoms? Because they make up everything!

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Knock Knock Who is there? The IRS coming to take your house

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Why were The Beatles so popular? People across the world enjoyed their music.

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Roses are red. Violets are beer. Kay eckelkamp is in charge here.

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Why did the black man walk across the road? just kidding he didnt make it across the road i hit him with my car

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Why couldn't the boy talk? He drowned.

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Q:What do you call chocolate without a gag reflex? A: Choc-o-late (Choke a lot)

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horses are burgers now ive got the flu watch out tescos because im gonna sue

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What chicken? That one! Grandma, that's a hobo. Put your glasses on.

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This is a joke.

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A black car pulls up early in the morning and slows down by your house You see him pull a mysterious object out of his car and point it at you, The paper boy tosses a newspaper at you

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Why is jordan goldstein a fag cause he doesnt like my videos

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Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

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Pickles are powerful

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens don't have the cognitive capacity to reason. So you'd never know

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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