Why cant kellen heller drive? She was born with the disabilities of being blind and deaf, thus rendering her unable to operate a vehichle.

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Michael J Fox may not be able to draw a perfect circle but he sure can jerk off like a champ

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven they say nothing to eachother because they are muffins and cannot speak if they did they would most likely be taken by the US government and studied and assumed to be alien life forms but anyway the muffins were taken out later and presumably eaten

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When does a cat not land on its feet? When it has paws.

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Why did Sally fall off her swing? -she had no arms knock knock whos there not Sally

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Why did a black person beat a white person in a race? The white person was hindered because a polar bear was biting their leg the entire time.

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Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even realize that I was a poet

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good pick up line hey baby have u seen my heart cuz i think you stole it

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted because they were walking in Detroit.

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Why couldn't Gladice get out of bed? Because she was dead!

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Me: f*** off Asshole: YOU'RE MOM! Me: -is dead.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken saw some potential food across the street.

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Why did Obama give a speech? Because he is the president and people look up to him

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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What's the difference between camping and molestation? I wasn't taken camping as a child

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Why did Billy fall off the slide? Someone threw a refridgerator at his face.

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68

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what is the worst thing a priest could do to a little boy? brutally murder him

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ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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What is a light shade of beige? My bedroom wall.

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Why did the black man go to prison? He committed a crime that had a penalty of several years in the state penitentiary.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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