There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

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Pooring urine into your eyes, is a natural way to cure pink eye. Found this out this morning.

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Why was Michael Jackson so bad at dancing? Because he had a broken leg.

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A middle aged man goes to a psychic. She tells him that he has prostate cancer, and his wife has been cheating on him for the past 3 years.

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A postal worker creeps past a sleeping bulldog. The dog does not wake up, and the mail is delivered successfully.

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How did the girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Docter. Docter who? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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What do you do if you are surrounded by 2000 Hungry cannibals? You talk to them in a calm yet determined diplomatic voice, then you become a part of them. Moral: A part of them... Forever.

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K O O K A B U R R A . . . . . . . . . . ReTweet

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Bob is asleep. Knock knock. Whos there? NOT BOB

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if you can read this you dont' need glasses

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Why did the hipster get burned? Because he was a volunteer fireman.

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Once i tried to do math ! She wasn't getting wet so i stopped!

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Why did the cat cross the road? he wanted to be a docter.

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What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

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im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

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What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

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Why was the five-year old lying in the middle of the sidewalk? Because he was dead.

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What did Buzz say to Woody? A lot. There were 3 movies.

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What did one Platypus say to the other Platypus? Nothing, Platypuses can't talk. However, they are the only mammal to lay eggs.

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what do you call a half dead black person crawling across your lawn..............................stop laughing and reload

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Why did the black guy cross the street? Because his master ordered him to

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What's black and white and red all over? A nun that was stabbed to death.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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