Why did the man eat the apple? He had just witnessed a cow butchering and decided to become a vegitarian the moment he got home. He now lives in 1st degree depression because of what he saw 2 hours ago.

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Penis

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What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

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Q How do you know when a gay walks into a bar A Albert rushes over and starts feeling him up

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A religion is like a penis. They are both nouns.

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How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its neck.

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How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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What does water smell like? water.

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What do a Nazi and a Democrat have in common? They are both members of a highly supported political faction.

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Turkeys are obese

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Yo Momma is Like a Prostitute... ...I pay her for sexual intecourse

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Rishi has popcorn while wass n jess r making jokes on anti jokes

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Why did the Football Coach go to the Bank?? To Cash his Paycheck.

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Roses are red Zombies are hungry and blue My brain is half-eaten And what about you?

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Woman + Kitchen = sandwich

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What is green and fuzzy and can kill you when it falls out of a tree A pooltable

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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fuck you you punkass piece of shit I hope you burn in my uncle's titties and ass rape yourself while screaming "make it stop!'. Then, I hope that you take a titanic needle and shove it up your lower kidney until it tears open and all your bodily fluids spill out into an ocean of shit. Also, I have 73 balls with a ballsack for each ball. So, I have 73 ballsacks.

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I have a phone, Don't know where it's at, Forever Alone FAPFAPFAP

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Yo mamma is so fat that she can fit through a skinny doorway. Actually, yo mamma isn't fat at all, but rather a normal sized woman secure in her weight.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? a bike

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What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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