I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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What ever happened to Sally? We don't know she went missing over 5 years ago.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Deez nuts Ha goteem

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Why am I telling you this joke? Because I entered the following, agreed to the Terms of Service, and clicked "submit".

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What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

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ask me if i am a tree. no.

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In Soviet Russia, you wouldn't have a likely chance of surviving because of Stalin's mass paranoia and total neglect for his fellow man.

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What do you call a cow that is lying on a barn floor? A cow

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This is sparta No this is patrick

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What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

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How can you tell if someone is a virgin? Everyone is a virgin in something. For example, if you never had sex with a dinosaur, then you are a virgin at dinosaur sex.

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Why did they call the woman crazy? because she drowned her children in a lake.

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what's wrong on so many levels? wrong wrong wrong wrong

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why did the black guy buy magnum condoms? because his white friend knew the cashier and thought it would be awkward for himself to buy them.

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Human: Are you a frayed knot? Frayed knot: I'm afraid so.

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When life gives you lemons, sell them. Rejoice in your free money.

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How did the boy break his hand? He slammed it in a car door.

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Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

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Whats worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies with one alive at the bottom. Whats worse than a pile of dead babies with one alive at the bottom? It having to eat its way out. Whats worse than it having to eat its way out? It comes back for seconds.

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Q: Whats black white and red all over? A: A dead penguin

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Two friends are arguing over who is the best pie maker. '' I've made pumpkin, apple, peach, cherry, blueberry, and sweet potato!" " Yeah well I've made all of those AND pecan!'' ''Yeah well have you ever made boysenberry pie?!" "No! What the hell!" *in a calm tone* " Yeah, me neither."

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Three men of different ethnic and socio-economic upbringings enter a pub. A strange situation befalls them or a question is posed. The first two respond in turn, in manners typical of their profession or educational background. The third, however, either draws on his specific expertise and responds so as to outwit the others, or makes an egregious and pun-filled blunder, leaving himself open to mockery by his peers.

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Why did the guy hate the man that said,"I respect you?'' Because the man was Hitler.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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