baloney sandwich

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What did Edward Cullen say to the hot girl? Since I am a vampire it is impossible for me to get an erection.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot. You racist.

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A rapist leaps out a woman and yells "surprise!" and proceeds to have non-consensual intercourse with her. Later, he is arrested by the police and charged with sexual assault.

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what did the nail say to the hammer? Hit me baby one more time

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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"Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave."

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Whats cooler than cool? nothing because cool does not have a defined temperature therefore nothing can be cooler than it.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well, one must question: 1. How much the electrician knows when it comes to screwing in lightbulbs. 2. The amount of electricians present at the scene. 3. The type of equipment being used in the process. 4. The physical and mental stability of the electrician. The situation is solely dependent on the above factors.

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What do you call a black man with no legs? A fine example of the consequences of drink driving. Make sure you are physically stable or not under the effects of depressants, drugs or any form of alcohol before deciding to use a motor vehicle.

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Why did the housewife become a farmer? Because the kitchen was burned down in a horrific accident.

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What is the cost of an abortion? 1 life

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Why did the little boy cry and run home from the store? Because the store was out of pickles.

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You wanna hear a touching story? Once a pon a time you died. The end. (all anti jokes posted by me will be adressed with -blarg)

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why did the fat guy become fat ...COD..

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2 Priests and a Monk walk into a bar, All 3 were stabbed to death in a bar fight.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple, the enslavement of blacks over hundreds of years.

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What's black and blue and made of poo? A drowning black guy, holding some blue poop

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Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the bat mobile? A: Robin get in the bat mobile.

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What is the longest sentence that a man knows? If it is used it in context, isn't round and the speaker attempts to quote the whole number - or at least all of it known to date, then any sentence involving the value of pi.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Knock, Knock Knock, Knock who? Knock, Knock

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why did the chicken cross the road? because he frickin wanted to!!!!!!

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Going out for a quiet one, having a drink or two, and returning home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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