What did the stick of butter say to the lemon? "I'm a stick of butter"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

John: hey wats up? Bob: gas prices!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

whats worse than forgetting your lunch at home? getting diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

a lady says, " i cant stand this." Th guy next to her had his legs blown off and will never be able to stand again.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Two guys went to a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure" said the guys. The bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? (when you are done start reading from the top again, and don't stop ever)

thumb_up thumb_down +29

So two cannibals are eating a clown. Cannibal one: Does this taste funny to you? Cannibal two: Considering that this man was a clown he must have been in poverty so he resulted to being an alcoholic and maybe over dosed on over the counter drugs. Cannibal one: Thank you for that reasonable answer.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

The awkard moment when you realize you either have cancer, are pregnant, or a combination of the two.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doc, I blacked out last night and have a sore ass." The doctor took some x-rays and informed him he had colon cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

3 Blondes walk into a bar. One ducks, the other two are hospitalized with mild concussions

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Everybody love food when they are hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why was the Asian terrible at driving? He was drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a mexican man working at a Taco Bell? A young man freshly out of high-school, who could not get into college because his family is sadly struck with poverty. He also has a baby on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection when having relations with his girlfriend while he was intoxicated. I wish him the best of luck!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what is almost like Jesus? Jesus

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A man and his wife are sitting on the couch in their house, watching tv. The man says, "Do you smell smoke?" The woman then replies, "No." They then proceed to watch more tv.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you make an anti-joke? Like this....

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: Who wants a chick with big breasts? A: Everyone apparently, because chickens are being genetically engineered that way because people are racist about what part of the chicken then want to eat. The white meat or the dark meat. Guess what? Now they can't walk because they are top heavy. And who's fault is that? The people who only eat the white meat.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Someone said "catch" and threw a bowling ball at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops