What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q.what is worse than finding a worm in your apple? A.finding two worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you catch a baby with? A pitchfork

thumb_up thumb_down +8

so you're waling through the desert and a tire falls off your canoe. How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what gets louder as it gets smaller? a baby in a trash compacter.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a farmer asked me "were is my pig?" and I said ' I got hungry" :()

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a man who has been run over by a car? An Ambulance

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you make an elf sad? Murder his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? Finding an apple inside your worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I walk into Tesco and wrestle an obese women for a packet of ''Mini's Biscuits''. This quarrel was over nothing but a trolley filled with them. I gradually became infuriated. Meanwhile, an employee commited suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i dont know why but when ever i see jew they always say "whats up?"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Once upon a time there was a cowboy. He died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why are blondes so dumb? They aren't dumb they just have prejudice against them

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red corvette? i don't have a red corvette in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do dogs chase squirrels? Beacuse dogs have very low attention spands and also chase cars and cats.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock knock! Who's there? Wristwatch! Wristwatch who? Orange ya glad I didn't say banana

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Only steers and queers come from Texas and i dont see any horns on you so what does that mean? It means I am not a Minotaur.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you get if you cross if you cross an overweight woman with a pair of very tight trousers? Exactly that, an overweight woman in inappropriately tight torusers.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops