A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Where did the AIDS victim go on vacation? To the hospital.

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A Russian man walks out of a bar looking very sober because he walked out of the bar sober.

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How did little Jimmy survive the 5 story fall? He didn't

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What happen to the guy who stole the TV. He runs away as he fears the person that stoled his/her TV reports him/her to the police.

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What do you call a white man who murdered his whole family? -a murder What do you call a black man who raped five women? -a rapest What do you call a Mexican with a leaf blower -a hardworking legal immigrant working twelve hours seven days a week to support his wife and three children.

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Is J.P. dumb? Yes

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Vegeta, What does the scouter say about his power level? It's Over 9000!!!!!

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What is the hardest thing about eating a vegetable? the wheelchair

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roses are blue, violets are red, im colorblind

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What's your guys names?

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How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap until there parents come home.

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How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

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What happens when you cross a dog and a cat? Something.

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Nothing. Stubbing your toe hurts like hell.

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You know what is totally sick? A person with stage II cancer.

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Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. tom halls mum

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A man walks into a bar. A few hours later he walks out.

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why can't the bat see? Because it's made of metal

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Q: What comes first the chicken or the egg? A: Pineapple.

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roses are red violets are blue grass is green

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Why was the little girl sad? She had a grown man sexually assault her.

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Why wouldn't Jimmy ever eat his vegetables at dinner? As a young boy, Jimmy watched as a robber entered his house, suffocated his mother by clogging her airway with a cucumber, and escaped with their life savings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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