Drunk, a tweeker and a pot head are walking together when they come upon a huge wall with a large, locked gate in the middle of it. The drunk shouts "lesh shmash it down!" then passes out. The tweeker says "Dude, we should totally take the lock apart and see if there's some kind of mechanism in there holding it together that we can use to build some sort of machine for taking... oh man I gotta crap so bad! Either of you guys gota smoke?" and the pot head says "We should sit here and wait." I didn't say it was a good story

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So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

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What's brown and sticky? A lump of shit.

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a tree house? Yeah..neither did she.

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What did the towel say to the other towel? Nothing, there was no topic of conversation.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple You thought I was going to steal an anti-joke didnt you squidward

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why did the girl fall off the swing..? because she became unbalanced and the force of gravity extended on her was too great to prevent the fall

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Why did Jimmy fall over? Jimmy was hit by a bus.

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What do you call an iPod that doesn't work? An iPod that doesn't work.

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I love this website, oh shit *Car* Dead*

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Why did the elephant get on the roof? To jump in the pool.

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A nun walks into a bar. She is immediately excommunicated.

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

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Q. What happened to the dog when he was kick in the privates? A. Nothing he was neutered a year ago.

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What did the drug addict say to the doctor? I am a drug addict and am in need of help and rehabilitation.

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Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

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What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

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Why is the sky blue? Because it isn't red.

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding herpes in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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