what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

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What's the difference between a statue and a real human? The statue can't run if the birds shit on it.

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what did a poor guys get for christmast ? brain tumor.

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Why couldn't Bobby attend his friends wedding? He was struck by lightning. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Bobby

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what did the tree say to the person? nothing trees cant talk

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What is the difference between a Camel And a Strawberry? A strawberry is red.

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Q: why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: He had no arms Q: Why couldn't he get up? A: He died when he hit the ground

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What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? Firetruck

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

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Q: What happens when Lisa drops an iPad? A: She plays Desperado on the sax.

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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Wht did noah7262 cross the road? to abandon his friends and play Modern Warfare 3 on xbox live. asshole.

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What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

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I wear my sunglasses at night. I'm always getting into car accidents.

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What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

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Yo mama's so fat, she died of a mixture of obesity and type 1 diabetes.

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What is the difference between Acenaphthoquinone and Acetoguanamine? I don't know...

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

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What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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What do you get when you put a blue bucket in the red sea? it gets wet

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So a blond, a brunette, a ninja, a pirate, a priest, a rabbi, a mathematician and an engineer all walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What, is this some kind of joke?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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