what would abraham lincoln do if he were alive today? scream and try to open his coffin.

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whats an aids victims last wish not to have aids

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What's sad about this man who committed suicide? He forgot to return his rented DVDs.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

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A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

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Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Whats a black and white and red all over? i dont know...who spends their time researching this kind of stuff

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Have you ever been to Uranus? Well I heard it's nice this time of year.

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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What is black and white and red all over? A nun that just fell down the stairs.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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Whats long and red all over? This Cut on my arm, i should get it checked out.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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What's normally shaped like a rectangle, and is so thin, it gives people cuts? Paper.

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Why do gingers smell so bad? So the blind can hate them too

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Roses are Grey, Violets are Grey, I am Colorblind...FML

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Why did Billy stop playing baseball? He lost his legs to cancer. Poor Billy.

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thats what she she. no really thats what she said

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There once was this guy and he fell down

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Im sorry Dylan Hodge Jamie Stegman

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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what did the black guy get from churches chicken? fried chicken.

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Why was the woman arrested for trying to have sex with a miner? Because he was on the job and her advances were completely unwanted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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