How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

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"I vant to blood your suck!" warned Darcula.

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What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red shirt.

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How do you steal candy from a baby? You ask nicely.

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What do you call a seedless pumpkin? A pumpkin.

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Why was the Asian woman late for work? She was raped.

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Wenn Sie dies zu übersetzen, dann ist dein ein Esel

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Q: Whats the best part of a bald pussy? A: After you put the diaper back on you perv!

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FAMOUS DUDE:SWAG! Thank you, thank yo- HEY NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY, NO YOU CANT HAVE MY-KABOOM AUDIENCE: . . . YAY CLAP CLAP CLAP.

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what did the penguin use as a napkin? a napkin

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Why did the computer explode into a million peices? It was thrown off the Empire State building.

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what did the panda say to the poachers? please stop killing my family.

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Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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What time is it? 2:47 PM.

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A guy named M.C. walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "wheres the food?" The bartender says, " its in your stomach."

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How do you know if a woman is cheating on you? If you catch her cheating on you

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What does a duck have in common? The further it flies the more.

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What's worse than one bee sting? 2 bee stings. What's worse than 2 bee stings? The holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? 3 bee stings.

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Why couldn't the cat drink it's milk? Because it didn't have a face.

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Q:Why is rugby one of the safest sports to play? A: It isn't , it is in fact very dangerous.

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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Why did Teresa fall off the swing? She had no arms. Who is knocking at the door? Not Teresa.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was tired of the publicity his friend, the chicken was getting for crossing the road that he wanted to do it himself. Halfway across the duck was wistfully hit by a car and sadly, his story is lesser known and 99% of the people in this world really don't care about him. Thumbs up if you're that 1% that shows sympathy toward the duck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops