two peanuts walked into a bar they both sat down and immediately left once they found out the bar was serving peanuts.

What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

Q: Why were there four married men in one room without their pants on? A: because it was the mens bathroom.

How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

What did the minority say to the white person? Aboobasashagaboogly. He was uneducated, along with the other minorities in the world.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Listen, it's a free country.

What do you call a truck full of dead babies? Not enough.

Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

Do you know what one golf ball said to the other? Nothing they are lifeless objects

Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

What's brown and sticky? Feces.

why does big tom run the dock because he knows how to speak to skiiers

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint

A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

You're so fake, Barbara Millicent Roberts is jealous of you.

What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

What do you get when you cross a RPG with a cell phone? A microwave

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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