What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats green and lives in the water

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What's one thing that 5 out of 6 people always agree on? A: Gang Rape

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a shop and picks up some items for his party. He walks out of the shop without paying for the items. The police are promptly called and the man receives a 4 year sentence in prison for shoplifting.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken had just escaped from the slaughterhouse where he witnessed the brutal decapitation of his entire family and in his heightened emotional state was unable to map out a safer and more sensible route.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A muslim gets on an airplane and takes his seat. The plane lands safely and he enjoys his vacation in Florida.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock whoses there whose home whoses home who? you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is the difference between Acenaphthoquinone and Acetoguanamine? I don't know...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the boy fail the math test? He has a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to escape the evil villains in giant mech suits.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner [but certainly not a redneck!], a New Englander, and a Californian), an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47-53 Africans walk into a fine restaurant. Fortunately," said the snooty maître d', "we'll let you come in without a Thai.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is white and can fly? A fridge that can't fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Even dyslexic people attend church and pray to Dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did hitler say to his generals? a: In a circumstance as the one we have found ourselves in. Eliminating our most threatening of enemies would be very logical. Unless they were of the superior race therefore, it may be frowned apon by our low ranked comrades. Causing another assasionation attempt on myself. So in conclusion I believe eliminating a rich and intelligent race far more superior than our own, would be the best way to go. So collect the Jews of Warsaw and we might have a chance.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock. Who's there? Irune. Irune who? Irune my life with all this red sand.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Once there was an ugly barnical, He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My Friend Philip had his lip removed today. he is just Phil now.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

alex and clayton are having sex at school. at that point, their teacher walks in and tells clayton about the dangers of unprotected sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops