How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Impossible, non-living organisms are incapable of moving and babies lack the brain capacity to understand how to screw in a light bulb.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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Two gay guys are cuddling in a park when they spot a hot, busty blonde jogging near them. One turns to the other and says, "Damn... It's days like this I wish I was a lesbian."

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What's worse than the holicost? The ninja turtles

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What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

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Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

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Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

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my penis

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What is the difference between a fridge and a tree ? The fridge can't sing

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You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

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Doctor! Doctor! Everyone seems to be stealing things! Piss off, I am a doctor not a detective you prick.

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Is it not a antijoke? When your granpa uncle or whatever used to pull out basically worthless coins out of your ears? And each time you wanted for him to drag out so many you can actually buy some bubblegum or something, the "stash" you where saving diminishes the moment you receive a new coin? Moral: Dont believe in yourself! Believe in me! Because I believe in you!

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Why did Jenny fall off her bike? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Jenny

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knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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