Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

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Roses are red, violets are red. Aaaaaahh! My garden's on fire!

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Sorry babe, even if I was I would not tell you, the entire place is surrounded, but within enough of a distance, so we will plant a nice setup around the green shack so everyone assumes his deal was some solo operation, if someone else is heading at his direction now, you are gonna get busted, so you better stay down.

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl? With a blender. How do you get them out of the bowl? You don't, you've already been arrested for multiple cases of infanticide.

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Why did the boy stay in the closet? Because the door was locked.

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what do chinese kids make for fathers day? shoes

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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How do you keep your dog from running away? Put it on a leash.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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are you from tennesse? cuase you sure look like a f u c k e d up redneck

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When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar answer his cell phone? Because he's DEAD.

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What do family members and a loaf of bread have in common? If you smash them with a hammer they die.

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Q: Suzy loves apples she will o anything to get her hands on an apple. A: You guys are so gullible!!! She DID eat Tom's apple. ...... then he killed her.

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? He'd lost so much weight, due to AIDS.

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What's brown and sticky? ...A stick.

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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Roses are red Violets are blue These are facts that many people know

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What brown and sticky? A sticky turd

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what did the penguin say to the other penguin after they rolled down a hill, and fell into a pile of leaves then proceeded to go swimming, play basketball, go swimming again and then play ping pong and pool? nothing. penguins cant talk

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Try this on some random person on the street... You: "Excuse me sir, do you know how to get to Farnsworth Street?" Man: "Sorry, no" You: "OK, you go straight ahead, then turn left on the second street. Continue about 200 feet, then......"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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