What's green and runs through the forest? - A pack of cucumbers. What's wrong with that? - Cucumbers aren't pack animals.

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How did the Mexican cross the border? He couldn't he didn't have legs

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how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

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whats worse than ur granny dying? uhhh...actually theres nothing is worse

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Why did the rooster cross the road? To go play with the other roosters.

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I Never apologize, I'm sorry, that's just me

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What's the worst part about rollerblading? Telling your dad that you're gay.

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Q.Why did Bruno Mars marry the blond? A.Because it was a beautiful night and he was looking for something DUMB to do.

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I like my women how I like my ice-cream Out cold.

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Why did Hitler kill himslef? He saw his gas bills.

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roses are red, violets are blue... thats what they tell me because im blind

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What's the difference between a goat and a cherry? You can't put a goat on top of your ice cream.

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The doctor told a man he had aids. He told his friends he had AIDS so his friends wouldn't sleep with his wife after he died.

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a grasshopper walks into a bar the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you the grasshopper says what dave?

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Why was the door opened? Because I opened it

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What do a watermelon and a bunny have in common? they are both green except the bunny

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What do short Mexicans do after a hot shower? Dry off with a towel like everyone else,

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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A bear wakes up from hibernation and is hungry. He sees a nearby forest cabin and decides to see if he can find food inside. The bear breaks into the cabin and thus the people staying there frantically run away to call animal control.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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A cat ran into the road...I hit it

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Wife: Where were you all night. Husband: Cheating on you with your sister

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My dick

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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