A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Why did the boy fall off his skateboard before running into a cross-section? Because he was shot.

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Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

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"Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pepper" "Like the drink?" "Huh... yes... just like the drink" Would you mind to sit right here Mr..... "Nike" "Oh, just like the shoes" "How do you dare!"

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I heard a joke one time about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a little boy. It wasn't funny.

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1,000 people get out of a plane , who hits the ground first? The DEAD guy!!!!

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What happens when a unicorn gets her period? You know it's a girl.

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Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

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What do you call a group of Mexicans jumping over a fence? I heat of runners trying out for the Mexican Olympic hurdle team.

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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Q:what do you get when you get when you cross a dog and a human A: a human-dog hybrid with AIDS

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What do Barney and a butchers knife have in common? One of them is purple

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Whats the difference between a bong and a nigger? My bong works

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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Your moms so fat she struggles to to everyday tasks

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Yo mamma so fat she has to have anti biotics to keep her alive

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I have a really funny joke.

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead become stranded on a desert island. As they are searching for food and shelter, they come across a mystical-looking lamp. They rub the lamp, but nothing happens because genies don't exist.

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two kids see a girl naked in the woods They walk away promptly to their homes and tell their mothers.

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There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

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Why couldn't Bobby attend his friends wedding? He was struck by lightning. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Bobby

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How do you starve a black man? You slowly emasculate him over 400 years through a system designed solely for the benefit of whites, and subsequently he is malnourished.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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