Every time I walk across the street I do the Hitler march and raise my arm straight out to salute him, if I feel like holding up traffic, I take smaller steps

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I can't remember. I have amnesia from when I was hit by a bus as a child.

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Knock knock It's open, come in

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Your mom is so ugly- Wait, hold on. How are you born?

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. This is a poem about flowers.

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Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue.

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"

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What did the dog say to the rabbit? I quite liked Prince's first album.

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What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

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Vagina Boob

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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What do you call a black man chasing after a macdonalds van? The fastest thing in the dessert.

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What is black and blue, with nothing to do? The prostitute in my basement.

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What is the difference between Steve Jobs and a PC? PC's are not dead.

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Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Only musicians will understand.

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H2O corndogs running around naked CC

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When did Dom become so brave? When he made friends

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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Why does Joel get so many numbers from girls? Because he asks for them nicely.

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What did the tooth brush say to the toothe paste? Minorities.

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A man walks into a bar, buys a pint of beer, talks to his friends for while and leaves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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