Will I be watching The Voice tonight? no.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

hes climbing in your window, hes snatching your people up. Hes a fireman.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what has one ear, one leg, one eye, one arm, and is Jewish half a Jew

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do you call a man with an eight foot steel spike wedged in his rectum? An Ambulance

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just beat the night since its black

thumb_up thumb_down -25

what does a slim jim taste like? there is no answer because everyone has a different amount of taste buds

thumb_up thumb_down -25

An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A thief stole a calendar. Later, feeling guilty, he returned it to its owner, admitted his misconduct, and went to a local minimart to purchase his own.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's worse than carrying a heavy suitcase? Poisoning children.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

roses are red, violets are blue, i dont like to rhyme, but i do like to poo.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did 9/11 take place? Because God hates Satan

thumb_up thumb_down -27

what did the guy say on friday ? ah man im so glad its not monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday he then threw a horse at a plane while moonwalking on a star that was riding a duck that was on a rabbit. Sir jumpalot was working overtime as he had to pay for a free phone

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A blonde, brunette, and redhead find a cliff that is supposed to turn you into something which you exclaim upon leaping from the cliff. The brunette jumps off and exclaims: BIRD! She thus falls to her death on a ton of pointy rocks. The other two loot her corpse and walk away.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do people and jelly beans have in common? Nothing. One is a living creature, and the other is a tasty treat.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's tall black and has curly hair? A black guy

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops