Hey guess whats funny? Matthew Mcconaughey Oh wait, never mind

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How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

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knock knock who's there? me josh! come in.

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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There once was a girl with only one buttcheek. She couldn't go poop. She died.

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what did the woman say when the guy told her he liked her christmas tree? thank you.

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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I'm a burrito... With a big shirt.

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Why did the bus drop his icecream? He was hit by a boy

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A hooded black man walks into a Convenience store. He orders a cup of hot chocolate as it is very cold outside.

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Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

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What did the Rose Bowl say to the Fiesta Bowl? We crushed the Orange Bowl.

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A man walks into a bar with a frown on his face His dog just died

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What is a 3 legged dog? It's still a dog! Sheesh

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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So there is a muslum, then he flew a plane into a building and died a sudden death. But he was wearing a helmet.

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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Q: Whats the best part of a bald pussy? A: After you put the diaper back on you perv!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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